just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
