I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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