oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
