Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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