god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
