Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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