Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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