I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize