Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
