I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I look better un-naked...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
How external is "for external use only"?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
