I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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