you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
