Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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