I haven't been this sober since birth.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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