I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
