dude i'm inner monologue high
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
