if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
