We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
