Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
