While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
