the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
