You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
