not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
