So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
