Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
