Even water is tasting like jack daniels
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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