Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
