idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize