with your own penis?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
