You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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