Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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