think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
