I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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