I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
