Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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