I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
