Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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