I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
