is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I party with great urgency now.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
