why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
