true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize