What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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