If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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