it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize