the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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