You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
