I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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