no, he came in my armpit
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
