So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I need water and some morals
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
