you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
