Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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