So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
