the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
