I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
