he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
