I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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