Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You know, be my cock's hype man.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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