did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize