I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
