I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
