I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
