i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
