Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
