the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
