Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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