stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
