I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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