friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
