dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
