the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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