No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Randomize
