If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
