A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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