Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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