Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
