your parents love me but you hate me
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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