Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
